Nigerian woman reveals why she hasn’t remarried since her divorce
A Nigerian woman, Seun Obajolu, has listed the reasons she hasn’t remarried since her divorce.
In a Facebook post on Thursday, October 23, the US-based mental health care provider said one of the main reasons she is hesitant about remarrying is her sense of responsibility towards her children, adding that she is worried about their emotional wellbeing and safety if a new man enters their life.
While admitting that marriage is no longer a priority for her, she said she would remarry if everything seems “right†for me and I feel “safeâ€
She however added that the decision would be made with her eyes, head and heart intact and not just on emotions alone.
RE-MARRIAGE after divorce. Someone asked me recently why I haven’t remarried since my divorce, especially since my Ex had remarried not long after.. even hinting that “maybe I might have been the problemâ€â€¦. Wahala oooo,” she wrote.
And while I am not here to accept or refute that I was the “problem†or point accusatory fingers…because many years after, following series of retrospection. I have come to accept that when divorce happens, it’s usually not from a “lone†incident but a gradual progression of issues which eventually boils over and leads to “those irreconcilable differences people often speak aboutâ€.
In hindsight, as part of my healing and moving forward especially taking some accountability, I have delved into some areas in which I would handle some things a little bit differently if that same situation ever presented itself again. But that’s not the reason for this post….
So why haven’t I remarried? Hmmmm I’d say probably the same reason a lot of other women with children who went through divorce as I did haven’t reamarried yet… but I’ll speak for me , maybe one person can relate.
And here are a few pointers – I speak my truth!
Healing takes time and is different for everyone. And personally, I have always wanted to heal to a point where I feel “stable†enough to venture into such a very life changing situation, yet again.
I needed TIME to REBUILD- contrary to some opinion, not everyone gets rich from divorce… some have to pick up and rebuild pieces of their lives again especially if you now have children in your care who are dependent on you. For me, I had to go back to school so I could further advance in my chosen career path and be able to earn more… NO- it was NOT to pepper anyone as some insinuated
I am now much older and wiser so I actually have become way more strategic about whom I choose to have as a life partner… so yes, I am pickier and this definitely has impacted some of my decisions along the way.
My children became my utmost PRIORITY- when something as “unfortunate†as divorce happened. While it might be “easier†for the man to move on, it’s always not as easy for the woman because somehow we redirect ALL to raising the children. You become more concerned about how the children turn out because after all, a child who turns out good is labeled as a child of her father while the one who turns out the other way, is labeled her “mother’s child†….. SO YES, most of my gaze has been on my children….
They became forefront at most of my decision making… Now I am worried about their emotional wellbeing and safety if I do remarry, I worry about how to balance being a wife to this new man in my life and mothering my children so everyone feels loved with no one feeling ignored
And here comes my biggest struggle so far…
Marriage no longer became a PRIORITY- While I do LOVE the idea of Marriage, ACKNOWLEGDE and APPRECIATE that TWO HEADS WOULD ALWAYS BE BETTER THAN ONE…..
I do have some cold feet about dabbling into marriage again. Would I do it again if all seems “right†for me and I feel “safe†enough? ABSOLUTELY…
But it would be a decision made with my eyes, head and heart intact and not just on emotions alone…
And if I honestly never got married again, I would be CONTENT and FULFILLED with my life at the end
And here are some of the reasons I haven’t remarried after divorce. Thank you for coming to my TedTalk.
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